these two guys today - Happy Father's Day to my daddy and to my babies' daddy!
(Sorry about the crazy eyes, I can't seem to get rid of the red eye!)
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Saturday, June 18, 2011
LOVE her!
Makenzie came into our bedroom at 6:45 this morning, leaned over so she was about 2 inches from my face and said in a totally serious, somewhat panicked voice....."Mom, my hand is sparkling." Thankfully this time around I knew exactly what she meant! She told me the same thing a couple days ago right after she woke up from a nap and after 10 minutes of painful guessing and her screaming in frustration every time I guessed the wrong thing, I figured out that her hand was asleep! :)
Friday, June 17, 2011
Needed: Advice!
My hubby left Wednesday for a dental conference and will get back Saturday, be home for a short 10 days before leaving again to spend nearly a month in San Antonio for National Guard officer training. I think I have most of the logistics worked out in my mind - this week was a good "test" and I figured out that I can get up and get both kids ready and all of us out the door...I even made it to work on time both days! :) Mornings are certainly a little crazier without Tom here - and seem to involve me telling Micah at least a dozen times to stay out of the toilet while I'm trying to rush through my morning makeup routine.
The little man seems to be taking it all in stride - he gets up in the morning looking for "dadada" but when I tell him he's not here, he gets it and seems to move on. My poor girl though, she hasn't faired so well. She has been a wreck this week! And I just feel bad for her! Her behavior hasn't been bad, in fact she's been even better than usual (sharing with her brother SO well this week!!), but we've had lots and lots of tears over daddy being gone. Each morning this week when she wakes up, her first question is "where's my daddy" - and when I have to tell her that he's still not here (Remember Daddy's in Seattle, but he'll be home in ____ days.) it causes an all out meltdown. And for the rest of the day every time she's tired or upset about anything else, she's in tears telling me she misses her daddy. Bless her heart - she is just TOO sweet! But I really worry about how she's going to fare when daddy is gone for a month. I'm thinking we need to make something to help her count down the days until daddy gets back - she doesn't have a real good concept of time (we do okay with he'll be home in 3 days...but any more than that and she's asking me, is it 4 days yet, will it be 4 days tomorrow). If any of you have good ideas for how to help Makenzie manage a month with out her daddy, I would welcome the ideas!! :) I think I'll say an extra prayer today that we never have to deal with a deployment!
The little man seems to be taking it all in stride - he gets up in the morning looking for "dadada" but when I tell him he's not here, he gets it and seems to move on. My poor girl though, she hasn't faired so well. She has been a wreck this week! And I just feel bad for her! Her behavior hasn't been bad, in fact she's been even better than usual (sharing with her brother SO well this week!!), but we've had lots and lots of tears over daddy being gone. Each morning this week when she wakes up, her first question is "where's my daddy" - and when I have to tell her that he's still not here (Remember Daddy's in Seattle, but he'll be home in ____ days.) it causes an all out meltdown. And for the rest of the day every time she's tired or upset about anything else, she's in tears telling me she misses her daddy. Bless her heart - she is just TOO sweet! But I really worry about how she's going to fare when daddy is gone for a month. I'm thinking we need to make something to help her count down the days until daddy gets back - she doesn't have a real good concept of time (we do okay with he'll be home in 3 days...but any more than that and she's asking me, is it 4 days yet, will it be 4 days tomorrow). If any of you have good ideas for how to help Makenzie manage a month with out her daddy, I would welcome the ideas!! :) I think I'll say an extra prayer today that we never have to deal with a deployment!
Monday, June 13, 2011
I want to leave a legacy...
It's been a hard week - but a good week. You may have seen in my last post that my Grandma (my dad's mom) passed away last week -not completely unexpected but not really expected either if that makes any sense. She had been sick a number of times in the last few years and had congestive heart failure, kidney failure etc....but at the end of May she had two stents put in and seemed to be doing really well. Over the last several days we've spent LOTS of time with family, with my cousins who we only see a couple times a year and we've shared a lot of memories. One thing has really struck me - over and over again as we all talked, my grandma's legacy was one of hurt and anger and bitterness. I don't mean to bash on my Grandma at all - she was a WONDERFUL grandma and I have lots and lots of great memories, but when you look at the "big picture" of her life, you see a life marked by loss, by hurt and by bitterness. My grandfather was an alcoholic and my grandparents divorced when my dad was young, my grandmother lost a daughter to a car accident when she was 16 years old, and when my great grandparents passed away my grandma and her sister had a massive falling out and hadn't spoken in nearly 20 years. Some would look at my grandma's life and think that she had every reason to feel jaded, to be mad or hurt...and maybe she did.
As we all sat and talked though, I couldn't help but think, this isn't the kind of legacy I want to leave. This isn't how I want my family to remember me. I want my life to be marked by my faith in the God who saved me, by a love for my family, by a passion for everything that I do. I want people to look back on my life and see a life well lived. If I face the kind of trials that my Grandma dealt with, I want people to remember that I clung to Jesus and I overcame the struggles, that I forgave instead of harboring bitterness, that I loved when others seemed unlovable or undeserving.
As we all sat and talked though, I couldn't help but think, this isn't the kind of legacy I want to leave. This isn't how I want my family to remember me. I want my life to be marked by my faith in the God who saved me, by a love for my family, by a passion for everything that I do. I want people to look back on my life and see a life well lived. If I face the kind of trials that my Grandma dealt with, I want people to remember that I clung to Jesus and I overcame the struggles, that I forgave instead of harboring bitterness, that I loved when others seemed unlovable or undeserving.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Choices to Make
When the phone rang before 7 am this morning, I knew it wasn't going to be good news. I had that sinking feeling in my stomach when I grabbed my phone and saw that the caller id showed my parents number. The conversation went something like this:
Hello?
Hey, what are you doing?
Just getting ready...why are you calling me?
And then then came the news....Grandma Bilva died last night. Not the news I wanted to hear - all at once I found myself in tears, crying at the loss of my grandma, mad at the doctors who saw her yesterday and didn't detect a problem, wishing I would have seen her one last time....but as the day wore on, I realized that I had a choice to make...actually several choices to make:
* I could choose to be mad at the doctors, or I could trust that God was in control - that He didn't turn His head and miss my Grandma dying but instead that this was part of His perfect plan.
* I could choose to be sad for all that I've lost or I could choose to rejoice in all of the happy memories that I have of my Grandma.
*I could choose to live my life wishing that my children would have known more of their Great Grandma, or I could be SO, SO thankful for the fact that my kiddos had the benefit of knowing their great grandma, even if for only a short time.
* I could choose to live my life wishing I would have visited one more time or called one more time, or I could choose to be thankful for all the visits and phone calls I had.
In reality, these choices face us every day. These kind of choices don't just need to be made when we lose someone close....these are choices that I make each and every day, most of the time without thinking. I had the opportunity to make just this kind of choice....I don't tell you this story to seem like a super-Christian.....it's on my mind tonight and I think its worth sharing!! Several years ago, my grandma and I had a pretty strong disagreement and some really hurtful things were said.....and back then I had a choice to make. I could have parted ways with my Grandma, I could have let bitterness and hard feelings take over....but I've watched my Grandma live with bitterness and hurt all her life and I knew I didn't want that. You see, my Grandma and her sister hadn't spoken in years, hurt feelings and anger ran high....and in a lot of ways, my Grandma had every right to be hurt and angry. But life isn't about what we have a "right" to be....the truth is, I don't have any "rights"....I'm here on this earth by the grace of God. God set the standard and I missed the mark....day in and day out I continue to miss the mark...but God doesn't say to me, Natalie don't deserve my love....Natalie you've failed......instead, he offers forgiveness. Not "I'll forgive you if you say you're sorry and ask for forgiveness" but free and unconditional forgiveness. And he calls me to do the same. I can't tell you how thankful I am, that I chose forgiveness, that I chose to give up my hurt feelings and pursue a relationship with my grandma. Over the last several years, hardly a week has gone by that I haven't talked to my grandma, she would come to visit everytime she came to Holdrege for a doctors appointment and we'd go out for lunch, Miss Makenzie knew and dearly loved her "gramma bilda", and Micah would vie hard with his sister for Grandma Bilva's attention. I loved seeing the joy on her face when she was around my kids (or any of her great grandkids for that matter!) I had the blessing of meeting and getting to know Gene - who spoils my kiddos as much as any Grandpa they have and who proved to be such an amazing friend and caretaker to my Grandma! 6+ years ago when we had our disagreement, I didn't have any idea how much I could have missed....but I can tell you, when the phone call came this morning, I couldn't have been more thankful for all the memories I have because I got over myself and forgave! I'd like to tell you that I always make decisions this well, but that would be nothing short of a lie.....but I hope that reflecting on this and the impact my Grandma had on my life will make me think twice before I choose to be self-righteous, before I choose to deny someone else the forgiveness that has been so freely given to me, before I choose to let the sun go down on my anger. As cliche as it sounds, you never know when it might to too late....so today (and I hope everyday!) I choose to do my best to live a life with no regrets!
Hello?
Hey, what are you doing?
Just getting ready...why are you calling me?
And then then came the news....Grandma Bilva died last night. Not the news I wanted to hear - all at once I found myself in tears, crying at the loss of my grandma, mad at the doctors who saw her yesterday and didn't detect a problem, wishing I would have seen her one last time....but as the day wore on, I realized that I had a choice to make...actually several choices to make:
* I could choose to be mad at the doctors, or I could trust that God was in control - that He didn't turn His head and miss my Grandma dying but instead that this was part of His perfect plan.
* I could choose to be sad for all that I've lost or I could choose to rejoice in all of the happy memories that I have of my Grandma.
*I could choose to live my life wishing that my children would have known more of their Great Grandma, or I could be SO, SO thankful for the fact that my kiddos had the benefit of knowing their great grandma, even if for only a short time.
* I could choose to live my life wishing I would have visited one more time or called one more time, or I could choose to be thankful for all the visits and phone calls I had.
In reality, these choices face us every day. These kind of choices don't just need to be made when we lose someone close....these are choices that I make each and every day, most of the time without thinking. I had the opportunity to make just this kind of choice....I don't tell you this story to seem like a super-Christian.....it's on my mind tonight and I think its worth sharing!! Several years ago, my grandma and I had a pretty strong disagreement and some really hurtful things were said.....and back then I had a choice to make. I could have parted ways with my Grandma, I could have let bitterness and hard feelings take over....but I've watched my Grandma live with bitterness and hurt all her life and I knew I didn't want that. You see, my Grandma and her sister hadn't spoken in years, hurt feelings and anger ran high....and in a lot of ways, my Grandma had every right to be hurt and angry. But life isn't about what we have a "right" to be....the truth is, I don't have any "rights"....I'm here on this earth by the grace of God. God set the standard and I missed the mark....day in and day out I continue to miss the mark...but God doesn't say to me, Natalie don't deserve my love....Natalie you've failed......instead, he offers forgiveness. Not "I'll forgive you if you say you're sorry and ask for forgiveness" but free and unconditional forgiveness. And he calls me to do the same. I can't tell you how thankful I am, that I chose forgiveness, that I chose to give up my hurt feelings and pursue a relationship with my grandma. Over the last several years, hardly a week has gone by that I haven't talked to my grandma, she would come to visit everytime she came to Holdrege for a doctors appointment and we'd go out for lunch, Miss Makenzie knew and dearly loved her "gramma bilda", and Micah would vie hard with his sister for Grandma Bilva's attention. I loved seeing the joy on her face when she was around my kids (or any of her great grandkids for that matter!) I had the blessing of meeting and getting to know Gene - who spoils my kiddos as much as any Grandpa they have and who proved to be such an amazing friend and caretaker to my Grandma! 6+ years ago when we had our disagreement, I didn't have any idea how much I could have missed....but I can tell you, when the phone call came this morning, I couldn't have been more thankful for all the memories I have because I got over myself and forgave! I'd like to tell you that I always make decisions this well, but that would be nothing short of a lie.....but I hope that reflecting on this and the impact my Grandma had on my life will make me think twice before I choose to be self-righteous, before I choose to deny someone else the forgiveness that has been so freely given to me, before I choose to let the sun go down on my anger. As cliche as it sounds, you never know when it might to too late....so today (and I hope everyday!) I choose to do my best to live a life with no regrets!
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Better late than never....
Happy 29th Birthday to me! The pictures were a little slow making it from the camera to the blog - the brownies are long gone! :)
If you know my wonderful hubby very well, you'll know that this is his work of art... with a little help from Miss Makenzie of course! :) LOVE them!
If you know my wonderful hubby very well, you'll know that this is his work of art... with a little help from Miss Makenzie of course! :) LOVE them!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)