Growing up too fast!

My littlest bug is 2 months old, my biggest bug is camping in the backyard with her daddy for the first time ever, and my middle bug….well he’s stuck sleeping inside with me tonight and I might be secretly hoping he wakes up early and comes in my room to ‘nuggle!  He’s my little snuggle bug and I hope he never outgrows it!!  

This has been a really fun weekend – and much needed after a couple of crazy busy weeks!  I have an appellate brief due June 22nd and a 2 day trial June 28 and 29…the combination of the two equals major stress and long work hours (usually starting after 10 pm when everyone else is sleeping and the house is finally quiet). Briefs and trials are a bad combination anytime…but briefs and trials when you’re still supposed to be on maternity leave are just plain miserable! Needless to say we’re counting down the days till the end of the month…and being VERY thankful that July looks to be a whole lot calmer!

I finally uploaded pictures and videos and found a few that I just have to share!  Maybe when July 1st rolls around and I’m operating on more than 3-5 hours of sleep a night, you’ll get a more coherent blog post—for now, you’ll just have to enjoy the pictures! 

LOVE that smile!!  She is such a happy babe—and so good natured, we are blessed! 

And Gracyn is blessed to have a brother and sister who love her to pieces!!

Makenzie LOVES to sing to Gracyn….and Micah loves to do anything his big sister does….and Gracyn loves to listen, she’ll even stop her fussing just to listen to her big sister sing.  Micah man’s singing doesn’t quite have the calming effect Makenzie does – imagine that, it’s only about 10 times louder and usually less than 2 inches from Gracyn’s face!  

Love this little man’s singing…even if it isn’t Gracyn’s favorite!

Quick 5

I realized it has been almost a month since I last blogged….probably because things are just a little crazy around here!  Good, but crazy and BUSY!  Here’s a few highlights to let you know what we’ve been up to:

1.  We’ve  determined that Miss Gracyn definitely has MSPI issues (dairy and soy intolerance)….so I’m on a pretty restricted diet and any mishaps result in a very angry baby girl!  It’s easy as long as we’re home but when we have to eat out, it’s nearly impossible…not just because I’m pretty much limited to meat and veggies when we eat out, but also because the risk of cross contamination is so high (i.e. I can order PLAIN veggies but if they cook the veggies in a pan that had butter in it before they cooked my veggies, that’s dairy and crazy as it seems it’s enough to upset Gracyn.)  Pretty much we just eat at home – or if we do go out, it’s either to Subway (sandwiches on Italian bread w/ no cheese are safe) or to Runza (Can I have a hamburger, ketchup only w/o the bun please? )    Qdoba has been a good option too – naked burrito with meat, rice, beans and guac but either the burrito or the coke upset Gracyn last week so they’ve been blacklisted for now.  Oh yeah, and major props to Outback – we ate there while we were in Colorado and they were SO accommodating –steak, baked potato w/ olive oil instead of butter and steamed broccoli (w/o the butter sauce).

2.  I’m headed back to work on Monday –on a very part time basis  and Gracyn gets to go with me, but still it’s enough to make me anxious!  I’m really not sure how we’re going to get everyone out the door by 8 in the mornings –pretty sure we haven’t accomplished that yet (at least not with me having hair fixed and make up on….I might be able to make it if I didn’t have to shower and get ready for the day!) 

3.  Tom, Gracyn and I spent last week in Colorado – it was great to get away and Miss Gracyn got to spend her 1 month birthday at Garden of the Gods.  That’s right – my littlest bug is already 1 month old….where does the time go!! 

4.  I officially hit the BIG 3-0 this month.  It really wasn’t as traumatic as I thought it might be –so far, 30 doesn’t seem to bad!  And my mama totally spoiled me by making dairy and soy free chocolate cake.   A couple days before my birthday I was whining to Tom that I was going to have to celebrate my birthday with strawberries because all the good birthday treats (cake, pie, ice cream etc) would upset Gracyn’s tummy….but my mom searched out an MSPI friendly cake recipe and it was AMAZING!  I don’t even like chocolate cake usually – but this was great!  (If you’re interested go to www.mspimama.blogspot.com, click recipe index and look for wacky cake).

5.  This week we’re finishing up all our spring “activities” – Makenzie had her gymnastics program last week and her last night of class is this week and Micah man has his Kindermusic program this week.  It’s been a fun spring, but I’m not going to lie – I’m looking forward to being done with scheduled activities and reclaiming a little family time this summer! 

Quick 5: Answered prayers

All 3 kids are napping AT THE SAME TIME and I’m actually rested enough to blog instead of feeling like I’m going to collapse in a heap….that’s an answered prayer in itself!!  It’s hard to believe my baby girl is a week old today –and to celebrate, here’s a quick 5 answered prayers this week:

1.)  Tom was home for Gracyn's birth….he got home Sunday night before she was born Monday evening.  He was gone Thursday morning-Sunday night and I was nervous that I was going to go into labor while he was gone and he wouldn’t make it home in time. 

2.)  Gracyn is PERFECT!  I can’t tell you what an answered prayer it is to have such a laid back baby girl!  I was more than a little stressed about the idea of adding a 3rd child to our family and was downright terrified that this baby might be as colicky as Micah was….don’t get me wrong, I love Micah man dearly, but he was NOT an easy baby (he got easier once we got the MSPI issues figured out….but it wasn’t a very fun start)!  

We still don’t know if we’re dealing with any MSPI issues—I cut dairy and soy just to be on the safe side and once we’re into a good nursing routine I’ll try adding them back slowly and see how we do.  Whether its due to the diet changes or not, she’s a very content, laid back little girl….and we are very thankful!

3.)  Makenzie and Micah have adjusted very easily!  Another HUGE answer to prayer!  If you know my Micah man, you know he’s a major mama’s boy and I’ve prayed and prayed that he would handle the addition of another baby easily…..and he has!  He dotes over “baby sista” constantly and loves to tell us about her tiny ears and tiny nose.  He kisses on her and hugs her (sometimes a little too roughly but she’s pretty forgiving!)  Makenzie is thrilled to have a baby sister and loves to “share” with her (i.e. give Gracyn all sorts of stuffed animals and blankets….especially when we’re ready to go out the door which means I end up with an armful of gifts to take with us!)  She loves to help me and is pretty sure she could take care of Gracyn without any help.

 

4.)  My own recovery has been easy –I felt like I was slow to recover after Micah’s birth and was slightly terrified at the prospect of trying to manage 3 children (4 and under) by myself when Tom went back to work, but I have actually felt pretty good and Tom’s been back to work since Thursday with no major catastrophes at home (minus Micah going like 6 hours Thursday without a diaper change because his mother never thought of it…..the good news is, he survived and I’ve managed to remember to change his diaper somewhat regularly since then!) 

5.)  My hubby has been amazing!  He has been great about taking Makenzie and Micah outside to run off energy when he gets off work, doing baths in the evening and picking up the slack around the house so I can rest.  Sunday morning he got up with both kiddos and let me sleep for 2 more hours!  I wouldn’t want to do this without him! 

Progress

I would love to tell you all that after my last (somewhat depressing) post, we’re all sleeping through the night, the crying every time mom leaves the room is over, the sassiness has ended and this mom will never, ever be crabby again….but I think you all know that would be a lie! The good news is – we’re making progress!! 

Micah man has limited his waking up to 1 time per night, and his screaming hasn’t exceeded 10 minutes for the last several nights!  For whatever reason, he refuses to just come into our room in the middle of the night….he prefers to wake up and yell in his bed until someone comes in.  And me laying in bed telling him to come in and sleep on my floor doesn’t help….but I keep trying I’m determined to get to a point that DOES NOT require me to get out of bed in the middle of the night!

Yesterday he had a great day at daycare—he still cried when I dropped him off (and even though I know it’s usually short lived, it never fails to break my heart!)  but yesterday was noteworthy for 2 reasons: (1) His daily sheet said he had a “GREAT” morning!  AND (2) he wasn’t crying when I picked him up….and I wasn’t even the first mom there.  He was actually playing happily when I got there!  SO good for this mama’s heart! 

As for the sassiness….let’s just say we’re still working on it!   Yesterday I think we only had one consequence for sassing…..today we should have had 17 before breakfast.  A couple days ago she and I were having a little chat (after a timeout) about why it’s not okay to sass and what we were going to do to stop it (because she’s pretty sure that mom’s consequences are a bad idea) and she told me, “I think I just need to talk to God about it, I really don’t need consequences.”  Just another reason I love this girl! 

Perhaps the best news of the week –getting some much needed sleep, spending lots more time praying, trying hard to spend less time yelling, and seeing some progress on the “bad”….this mama is feeling (and I hope acting) a little less ugly! 

Wedding fun.

The beautiful bride!

The oh-so adorable flower girls and ring bearer (and my new brother in law)

Could these two be any cuter??

Seriously, how great do my parents look!

And just in case you got through all the other pictures thinking, wow the bridesmaid dress fit and she looks great for being 6 months pregnant…my hubby (bless his heart) took this picture during the ceremony….HOLY huge belly! I seriously considered either (1) killing him for taking the picture or (2) deleting the picture and thus any proof of just how huge I was…..but really, ignore the giant pregnant lady in the hot pink dress and notice how pretty the whole wedding was…absolutely beautiful (and outdoors….in January!)  You can see all the pictures from our Texas trip (and the wedding) here.

Minivan Mom

Well we did it….we bought a minivan.  And I’m driving it.  I would love to tell you I’m thrilled with it, but that wouldn’t quite be the truth….and no, Tom didn’t make me buy a minivan, this was really probably more my decision than his and I know it was a good decision but that doesn’t mean I’m thrilled about it.  

I LOVED my Hyundai Veracruz, seriously loved.it.  And for 2 kids, it was perfect.  We had the third row seat, so we could fold it down and haul more people or fold it up and have lots of room for strollers, pack n play, luggage, groceries and whatever else we might need to drag with us.  BUT, for 3 kiddos (especially 3 in carseats), it just wasn’t going to work.  We would need to use the 3rd row seat, which posed two problems, (1) it is nearly impossible to crawl into the 3rd row with two carseats in the middle row because you can’t fold the middle seat forward with a carseat in it and (2) with the 3rd row seat in use, we have almost no “trunk” space…we could fit the pack n play and maybe one small suitcase, but certainly not all the stuff we need to travel as a family of 5 (i.e. stroller, pack n play, and seventeen bags). 

In my car hunt, I have literally looked at EVERY type of SUV under the sun trying to avoid a mini-van purchase, but I quickly figured out that our options were basically suburban or minivan (I insisted on having 3rd row seat + the ability to hold lots of luggage).  And that’s where the dilemma started…..

You see, a couple years ago Tom and I were part of a small group that went through Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University.  (Side note and shameless plug for Dave:  We LOVED it!!  If you get the chance to go through this, take it!!)  One of the things Dave Ramsey really pushes is getting rid debt and then staying out of debt….for Tom and I this meant paying of LOTS of student loans, but we also decided that it meant no car loans.  At the time we were both driving paid for cars (thank you to both of our parents for that, we were both still driving our college cars), and we decided that it was important to us to avoid car debt in the future.  Before you start thinking I’m going to get on my soap box and tell you car loans are the devil and you’re a terrible person if you have one, that’s not my intent at all!!  Please please don’t think that’s my point…..truthfully, I don’t see this as being a right/wrong issue….it’s a matter of what works for you and this is what works for us.   Since we went through FPU, we’ve upgraded both our cars…we bought our Hyundai Veracruz in the summer of 2009, found a great deal on Craigslist and paid cash.  Then last summer, we sold my old Saturn and bought Tom a pickup.  Honestly, I love not having to think about car loans –I do all the bill paying around here, and I love that I don’t ever have to think about that particular bill.  But, when the suburban vs. minivan debate started, it became clear very quickly that a suburban was out of the question if we were going to pay cash….that is unless I was going to drive a 1986 suburban, which wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.   Long story short, we’re driving a minivan.  Correction, I’m driving a minivan.   But on a high note –we “upgraded” to heated leather seats AND a dvd player, and I’m not going to lie, I heated my buns all the way home from the  dealership tonight and I’m really looking forward to letting the kids watch movies on our 12+ hour drive to Austin.   Our babysitter told me a couple months ago, you’ll fall in love with the inside and you just have to get over the outside look of a minivan ….I’m thinking this is going to be very true!  The heated seat….love at first try!  

One other high note –we’ve known all along that we got a steal on our Veracruz when we bought it, but that was reinforced tonight when I got MORE for a trade in than what we paid for it  2 1/2 years (and 45,000 miles) ago.  That makes the pain of getting rid of it a little more bearable!  So, here’s to driving a paid for minivan!  

Thankful.

I’ve decided I spend too many days being stressed out, focused on my way too long “to do list” and not just enjoying life.  The other day I heard the Trace Adkins song on the radio…..

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

All I could think was SO TRUE….this is SO my life right now, and I already wish these days wouldn’t go by so fast.  In an effort to “hang on” to these days, I decided I needed to make myself a list of all the things I really love about these days, so here it is…split out by kiddo:

Makenzie

* I love the little prayer you’ve adopted from your Boz movie and that you “add on to” every day – “Jesus prayer that he made for our family and our friends, taking time to sit/lay (sitting or laying depends on whether its a daytime or bedtime prayer) and pray, thank you God for this great day and thank you for….(insert long list, usually involving mom, dad, Micah, Grace, Kenna, the food on your plate….and sometimes including things as random as Zoe Dog, our house, the things in the Advent calendar, your teddy bear).  I love that you are so good at thinking about the things you are thankful for – I need to learn to be more like you!

* I love your excitement for the Christmas story and our advent calendar, and that randomly during the day you’ll ask questions about Zachariah and Elizabeth, why Zachariah couldn’t talk, or what the angels name was that told Mary she was going to have a baby.

* I love your soft heart and your love for Jesus!  I love that today you reminded me that we should buy groceries to take to the food pantry because Jesus wants us to give food to people who don’t have it (We just read The King’s Christmas List….great book by the way!) 

* I love that you tell me every day “I like you and I love you mom.”  You melt my heart!!  And I love telling you, “I’m glad you’re my girl” and hearing you respond every single time “I know….I’m glad you’re my mom.”

* I love that you’re such a little mommy, looking out for everyone (including mom and dad!)  And I love all the funny things you say, like the other day when we were packing for Lincoln and you were frantically searching for ponytail holders in your bag…when I reminded you that you didn’t even wear ponytails because your hair was short, you told me, “I know, but you need them for your pants.” 

* I love that you love to help, and you do it so willingly!  I love having you help fold laundry (and clean out the lint trap on the dryer….it’s your favorite!)

Micah

* Believe it or not, I love your curiosity, even when it means unloading the toy baskets for the 10th time in a day.  I love that you love to explore and I love it when you take my hand and tell me “play” and then want me to sit down on the floor with you to play.  You are too cute! 

* I love that you love to help me – whether its unloading the dishwasher, cooking, doing laundry or putting on my makeup, you love to be right in the middle of the action!

* I love listening to you chat and I love the way you try to say everything you hear.  You talk ALL.THE.TIME right now and I think every single day you’re saying new words!  Some of my very favorites right now are “ga-mo” (Grandma Moore), “gama/gammy”, jammies, sissy (which used to just be “see” and only in the last week gained the first syllable), kimma (Christmas), and sorry –which you say LOTS of times a day, usually to your sissy.  

* I love that you can’t say the letter “s” yet – so words like snow sound more like h-no – and it makes me smile everytime I hear you say it.

* I love that you love your new Christmas jammies, and  I even love it that you want to wear them every night (and most days!) 

* I love that you love to try everything your sister is doing and want to be with her ALL the time

* I love your independence – and the fact that at not even 22 months old, you insist on walking everywhere and climbing in and out of your car seat by yourself.  When I get frustrated with the slow speed, I remind myself how thankful I’ll be in April when you can do these things on your own! 

Baby #3

* I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE feeling you kick and wiggle all.the. time…even if it means kicking my bladder at 3 am because I love the assurance that everything is okay in there, that you’re doing well and growing bigger!

* I love that your sister and brother love you so much already—they love to kiss and pat on my belly and talk to you. 

And if you’re still reading – bless your heart!!  You get rewarded with pictures!  

Pictures (as promised WEEKS ago)

The kids and I spent a day at the Lincoln zoo during Tom’s drill weekend earlier this month.  I had forgotten just how great the Lincoln zoo is….so much smaller scale than Omaha, but totally “doable” for a mom by herself with two kiddos!  

Sorry the pictures are all you get today – I spent most of naptime taking a nap myself!   We get an extra couple days at home this week….poor Micah man has hand foot and mouth disease, so no daycare for us!  And, I probably lost my mom of the year award – the poor guy fevered all day yesterday and was a drooling, slobbering mess. I attributed it to his 2 top eye teeth that are just about to burst out of his poor swollen gums and when the fever was gone today I sent him to daycare.  He had a rash on his buns, but I blamed that on the fever yesterday…..less than 2 hours after I dropped them off at daycare, the babysitter called to say Micah had broken out in red spots on his hands, feet, and mouth.  Like I said…mom of the year.  Or maybe not. 

Workin' mama

I don't know that I've ever faced as big a challenge in my life as the challenge to balance work and mommyhood....and maybe that's because its a whole lot of challenges wrapped up in one....the challenge to just get laundry done and meals on the table while working 3 days a week, the struggle to feel like there's enough of me to go around, the challenge to trust someone else with my children, the challenge to move past the criticism I've received in trying to balance the two and perhaps most of all, the struggle to determine if this is really something God has called me to do.  It has been an ongoing struggle [for the entire 3 1/2 years I've been a mom] and it is something I continue to struggle with [on a near daily basis] and I certainly don't think I've found all the answers, but I think along the way I've found some and I decided I should share them.  I don't intend this to be my soapbox, I'm definitely not here to tell all the moms in the world to get to work...just here to share where my heart is at and what I've discovered about God's purpose for my life. 

When I started law school, I couldn't wait to be an attorney and the longer I was in law school and the more "real world" experience I got, I grew even more excited.  Then in November 2007, something changed.  I had a beautiful baby girl....and the struggle set in - I spent the first few months of Makenzie's life finishing law school (graduated in December 2007) and studying for the bar exam (February 2007).

                                                          Literally, we spent nearly 2 full months like this!

And then when Makenzie was 4 months old, I started working part time.  And I started wondering if this was really what God called me to do.  Over the last few years, I've spent probably more time in prayer over this than about any other single thing.  I think the easiest way to show you what I've learned is to just show it as a dialogue - my chats with God over this very issue:

Are you sure I'm supposed to be working?
Natalie I didn't bring you through 2 1/2 years of law school and give you such a passion for what you're doing so that you cannot use this gift. 

But what about being a mom?
Have I not given you the perfect opportunity to balance both jobs?  I know you can do both, you need to trust me. (For those who may not know, I work part time...3 days a week in a WONDERFUL, totally family friendly firm.)

But what about leaving my kids with somebody else?
Look at what I've provided for you.  (Point well taken - Cori is an AMAZING Godly woman, my children LOVE going to her house and I seriously could not ask for a better person to care for my kids while I'm at work.)

But what if my kids are traumatized because I'm not with them? 
They're my kids, not yours Natalie and I'm plenty capable of taking care of them.  I'm not going to call you to do something that's going to hurt MY kids that I've allowed you to raise.

I could go on and on because God and I have had a lot of chats over this issue (apparently I'm a slow learner).  The bottom line is, time and time again I question whether or not I'm doing the right thing, and time and time again God answers my questions with a resounding "yes, you're doing exactly what I've called you to do."   Today was no exception.  I've been in a total post vacation funk this week.  I think getting home from vacation (4 really fun days with my kids!) combined with being w/o a hubby for the last 3+ weeks and knowing I still had 1 week to go just put me in a slump.  A weepy, overwhelmed, don't want to go to work, just want to stay home with my babies and stay on vacation slump.  And it didn't help that this was a busy week - 4 days of work instead of my typical 3 because I have court tomorrow.  Ugh.  And twice this week God totally made my day through the kiddos I work with. 

In a meeting on Wednesday afternoon, a teenage girl that I work with was talking about a conference she had gone to with other foster youth.  At the conference, the foster youth had discussed problems with the system and we were visiting about what those problems were.  One of the problems raised by a number of youth was that case managers, attorneys etc. are all too busy and don't devote the time necessary to the kids and families they work with.  This gal said, "I figured out that I'm really lucky because I have a really cool case manager and a really cool GAL (that's my role) and a really cool CASA work, and you all come to my house every month.  Nobody else in my group has everybody at their house every month to talk about what's going on." 

Today I got a totally random (random to me, no doubt perfectly planned by God) phone call from a kiddo I used to work with.  A bad ass (pardon the language), punk of a kid who I had some pretty good battles with and who had most recently spent some time in the YRTC.  A kid I was pretty sure was probably headed for prison if he didn't make some pretty serious life changes.....his dad was in prison for drug distribution, his brother has spent a number of nights in county jail on various charges, mom is in another state and not involved and this kid was basically left to fend for himself.  But the longer I worked with this kiddo the more I understood where he was coming from and why he had such a "tough guy" attitude and the more I grew to really enjoy this kid.  I continually told this kid, "you're a great kid but you've got to make better choices".  To make a long story short, when he was sent to YRTC last fall my work with him was done, but today he called me.  He was released from YRTC in May, he finished his GED and successfully applied to the state to have it converted to a high school diploma, he's living and working with an uncle, he's passed all his ua's since he was released and he has joined the Army and leaves for boot camp next month.  And he called because he just wanted to tell me thanks all my help.  I just sat at my desk and cried, thankful for the opportunity I've been given. 

And so, for now and for as long as God continues to call me to this path, I'll keep trying to find that balance....and when I fail miserably, I'll trust that God's grace is more than sufficient.    

Mini-Vacation

A month without my hubby has turned into a whole lot of playing and vacationing, and not a lot of working.  I'm not complaining! :)  After spending the 4th in Dubuque, we were home for about a week, then Monday night the kids and I took off for a mini-vacation to Lincoln and Omaha.  SO MUCH FUN!!  It's a little hard to travel with two kiddos by myself, but we totally managed, and we had a great time! 

So far the zoo has been the highlight of the trip....although being spoiled rotten by Grandma Moore is a close second!!  A double stroller might have been a good idea but Makenzie was a trooper.  There was one hill that got the best of her, so I carried her on my back and pushed Micah in the stroller up the mega hill....what a sight I'm sure!

 Checking out the bears

 Good thing at least one of us is smiling!!  Bless Makenzie's heart she's trying to act like she's excited for it....she was BEGGING to ride on the train, until we got on and it started making noise!  The train ride wasn't nearly the hit I expected it to be....may have had something to do with having to take the 2nd seat in the 1st car behind the engine....

 This is how Makenzie spent the entire train ride....

 And this is how Micah spent his train ride....cheap snuggles for Mama!  We had lunch and then hit up the carousel after the train ride...

 Sorry about the chicken Micah man....blame your sister.  She picked the animal she wanted to ride and the zoo staff told me to put you on the one next to her so I could hold onto both of you.