I have about a million thoughts floating around in my head - so I hope I can get at least a few of them into one semi-coherent blog post. :)
Last year I read the book
Made to Crave (A MUST READ book!!) One of the things that really hit me as I was reading and has stuck with me was Lysa's prayer "unsettle me" --it was a New Year and instead of lengthy resolutions that she'd never stick with, her prayer was a simple one, "unsettle me in the best kind of way. For when I allow Your touch to reach the deepest parts of me - dark and dingy and hidden away too long --suddenly a fresh wind of life twists and twirls and dances through my soul." I'm not sure why this resonated with my heart as much as it did - perhaps because I like nothing more than to be settled, perhaps because I long for peace, and order and consistency and routine, and perhaps because God was about to show me that it was time for a little "shaking up" to make room for the fresh and new He was longing to bring in.
For several months now, I've gone back to that prayer - Unsettle me Lord, show me where I'm settling for less than your best, show me where I've missed the boat. Don't let me settle in and get comfy if this isn't the place I'm supposed to getting comfy. God has been SO faithful!
Last year I felt God continuously unsettling me about the "busy-ness" of our lives. With three kids, working 3 days a week, Tom in the National Guard and working full time, church activities, social activities etc. etc.....I don't need to tell you, life was (is) busy! I had convinced myself that this was just life....especially life with three littles. In my mind, this is just how it was supposed to be, and how it was going to be for the next 18+ years, and eventually (probably sooner than I would like!) the kids would be grown and life would slow down. As last year progressed, I felt God telling me it was time to make some changes, time to slow down this crazy life we were living --and though it took me several months to realize it, one of the ways he was calling me to make this change was in my work. This was hard and I'm not going to lie, God and I had more than one "battle" over this. I hope you'll hear me out here and not pass judgment -- for the last 7+ years, I've felt like I really sought out God's will and followed his will with respect to my career. I felt God calling me to go to law school, calling me to do the work that I do in juvenile court. I was blessed with a job where I was able to work part time and still have time home with my kids and I truly LOVED what I was doing. I think this is partly why I took it so hard when people criticized my working with young kids -- I was certain this was the work He had called me to do. This is also why it was hard for me to make a change --why would God call me to quit my job now? Surely He called me to get my law degree....why would he want me to "waste" it now.....and then doubt crept in, maybe I missed something, maybe God never really called me to go to law school.....what a miserable thought! God is not a God of doubt and despair....and when I took the time to seek Him out, He was again faithful. Through several more weeks of praying and seeking His advice, negotiations with my partners, etc, God revealed His plan. A plan that would allow me to continue working with the kids and families He has called me to work with but giving me more time with my own kiddos. He reassured me that He didn't lead me to law school and give me a heart for these "less fortunate" families for no reason at all -- He has a plan and a purpose and He is working it out in my life.
I love Beth Moore's take on this in her
devotional on the life of David -- "David received invaluable experience in the process of keeping sheep. Psalm 78:70-72 states, 'He chose David his servant and took him from the sheep pens; from tending the sheep he brought him to be the shepherd of his people Jacob, of Israel his inheritance. and David shepherded them with integrity of heart; with skillful hands he led them.' I believe God takes the building blocks of our lives and uses them for His glory. Never assume that to follow Him means to throw away who He made you to be. Few things seem less spiritual than keeping a bunch of smelly sheep, yet God used David's skills for eternal purposes."
I love that and I pray that God continues to use my skills for eternal purposes!! And lest you think it's time to settle in and get comfy in this new 2 morning a week work schedule.....don't worry, there's still plenty of "unsettling" going on. He's still been unsettling the stinky attitude I'm prone to having towards my hubby and kids, unsettling the financial "goals" I've set and encouraging me to spend my money on things that make an eternal difference instead of building up "treasure" that doesn't matter, unsettling the lifestyle I've been living and utilizing the margin we've created by working less to add in some "better" things....like exercise and time to focus more on health. That's a blog post for another day! :) I have to say though - for a girl who likes stability and consistency, this unsettling has been refreshing!