Unsettled

I have about a million thoughts floating around in my head - so I hope I can get at least a few of them into one semi-coherent blog post. :) 

Last year I read the book Made to Crave (A MUST READ book!!)  One of the things that really hit me as I was reading and has stuck with me was Lysa's prayer "unsettle me" --it was a New Year and instead of lengthy resolutions that she'd never stick with, her prayer was a simple one, "unsettle me in the best kind of way.  For when I allow Your touch to reach the deepest parts of me - dark and dingy and hidden away too long --suddenly a fresh wind of life twists and twirls and dances through my soul."   I'm not sure why this resonated with my heart as much as it did - perhaps because I like nothing more than to be settled, perhaps because I long for peace, and order and consistency and routine, and perhaps because God was about to show me that it was time for a little "shaking up" to make room for the fresh and new He was longing to bring in. 

For several months now, I've gone back to that prayer - Unsettle me Lord, show me where I'm settling for less than your best, show me where I've missed the boat.  Don't let me settle in and get comfy if this isn't the place I'm supposed to getting comfy.  God has been SO faithful! 

Last year I felt God continuously unsettling me about the "busy-ness" of our lives.  With three kids, working 3 days a week, Tom in the National Guard and working full time, church activities, social activities etc. etc.....I don't need to tell you, life was (is) busy!  I had convinced myself that this was just life....especially life with three littles.  In my mind, this is just how it was supposed to be, and how it was going to be for the next 18+ years, and eventually (probably sooner than I would like!) the kids would be grown and life would slow down.   As last year progressed, I felt God telling me it was time to make some changes, time to slow down this crazy life we were living --and though it took me several months to realize it, one of the ways he was calling me to make this change was in my work.  This was hard and I'm not going to lie, God and I had more than one "battle" over this.  I hope you'll hear me out here and not pass judgment -- for the last 7+ years, I've felt like I really sought out God's will and followed his will with respect to my career.  I felt God calling me to go to law school, calling me to do the work that I do in juvenile court.  I was blessed with a job where I was able to work part time and still have time home with my kids and I truly LOVED what I was doing.  I think this is partly why I took it so hard when people criticized my working with young kids -- I was certain this was the work He had called me to do.  This is also why it was hard for me to make a change --why would God call me to quit my job now?  Surely He called me to get my law degree....why would he want me to "waste" it now.....and then doubt crept in, maybe I missed something, maybe God never really called me to go to law school.....what a miserable thought!  God is not a God of doubt and despair....and when I took the time to seek Him out, He was again faithful.  Through several more weeks of praying and seeking His advice, negotiations with my partners, etc, God revealed His plan.  A plan that would allow me to continue working with the kids and families He has called me to work with but giving me more time with my own kiddos.  He reassured me that He didn't lead me to law school and give me a heart for these "less fortunate" families for no reason at all -- He has a plan and a purpose and He is working it out in my life.

I love Beth Moore's take on this in her devotional on the life of David -- "David received invaluable experience in the process of keeping sheep.  Psalm 78:70-72 states, 'He chose David his servant and took him from the sheep pens; from tending the sheep he brought him to be the shepherd of his people Jacob, of Israel his inheritance.  and David shepherded them with integrity of heart; with skillful hands he led them.'  I believe God takes the building blocks of our lives and uses them for His glory.  Never assume that to follow Him means to throw away who He made you to be.  Few things seem less spiritual than keeping a bunch of smelly sheep, yet God used David's skills for eternal purposes." 
 
I love that and I pray that God continues to use my skills for eternal purposes!!  And lest you think it's time to settle in and get comfy in this new 2 morning a week work schedule.....don't worry, there's still plenty of "unsettling" going on.  He's still been unsettling the stinky attitude I'm prone to having towards my hubby and kids, unsettling the financial "goals" I've set and encouraging me to spend my money on things that make an eternal difference instead of building up "treasure" that doesn't matter, unsettling the lifestyle I've been living and utilizing the margin we've created by working less to add in some "better" things....like exercise and time to focus more on health.  That's a blog post for another day! :)  I have to say though - for a girl who likes stability and consistency, this unsettling has been refreshing!

Creating a Legacy

We spent this weekend in Dubuque IA celebrating Tom’s Grammy’s 90th birthday – SO, SO much fun!  We celebrated Grampy’s 90th in Florida in January 2008, but they aren’t as mobile as they were then, so we all traveled to them for this celebration!   Tom’s grandparents are SO fun –they’ve been married 66 years, traveled all over the world together (like even kayaking in Antarctica), raised 4 kids and until last year, they still lived in the home that they built when their kids were young.  (Last year they moved into an independent/assisted living type apartment.) 
Spending time with them this weekend got me really thinking about the legacy I want to leave—and realizing what an amazing legacy his grandparents have created.
I couldn’t find an electronic copy of their wedding picture – but here are Tom’s grandparents with their first child.
 
And here’s the picture I took last weekend – seriously, I hope I look this good at 90!

And here are their 4 kids – then and now….

And after 66 years of marriage and raising 4 children – they get to enjoy 6 grandkids (1 wasn’t able to make it) and 10 great grandbabies (The 1 grandson who couldn’t make it has twin 13 month old boys). 


I imagine that Grammy had days when she yelled at her kids, maybe crabbed at her hubby, wanted to pull her hair out, wanted to throw in the towel….you know some of THOSE days that we all know all to well.  But she and Grampy stayed the course – they stayed committed to each other and to the daunting task of parenthood….and 66 years later, what an amazing story they have!  And what a sweet, sweet reminder of the bigger story, the bigger picture that can be all to difficult to see when you’re “stuck” in the day to day job of changing diapers, feeding babies, breaking up fights, cooking, cleaning and washing the 17th load of laundry.

Growing up too fast!

My littlest bug is 2 months old, my biggest bug is camping in the backyard with her daddy for the first time ever, and my middle bug….well he’s stuck sleeping inside with me tonight and I might be secretly hoping he wakes up early and comes in my room to ‘nuggle!  He’s my little snuggle bug and I hope he never outgrows it!!  

This has been a really fun weekend – and much needed after a couple of crazy busy weeks!  I have an appellate brief due June 22nd and a 2 day trial June 28 and 29…the combination of the two equals major stress and long work hours (usually starting after 10 pm when everyone else is sleeping and the house is finally quiet). Briefs and trials are a bad combination anytime…but briefs and trials when you’re still supposed to be on maternity leave are just plain miserable! Needless to say we’re counting down the days till the end of the month…and being VERY thankful that July looks to be a whole lot calmer!

I finally uploaded pictures and videos and found a few that I just have to share!  Maybe when July 1st rolls around and I’m operating on more than 3-5 hours of sleep a night, you’ll get a more coherent blog post—for now, you’ll just have to enjoy the pictures! 

LOVE that smile!!  She is such a happy babe—and so good natured, we are blessed! 

And Gracyn is blessed to have a brother and sister who love her to pieces!!

Makenzie LOVES to sing to Gracyn….and Micah loves to do anything his big sister does….and Gracyn loves to listen, she’ll even stop her fussing just to listen to her big sister sing.  Micah man’s singing doesn’t quite have the calming effect Makenzie does – imagine that, it’s only about 10 times louder and usually less than 2 inches from Gracyn’s face!  

Love this little man’s singing…even if it isn’t Gracyn’s favorite!

Quick 5: Answered prayers

All 3 kids are napping AT THE SAME TIME and I’m actually rested enough to blog instead of feeling like I’m going to collapse in a heap….that’s an answered prayer in itself!!  It’s hard to believe my baby girl is a week old today –and to celebrate, here’s a quick 5 answered prayers this week:

1.)  Tom was home for Gracyn's birth….he got home Sunday night before she was born Monday evening.  He was gone Thursday morning-Sunday night and I was nervous that I was going to go into labor while he was gone and he wouldn’t make it home in time. 

2.)  Gracyn is PERFECT!  I can’t tell you what an answered prayer it is to have such a laid back baby girl!  I was more than a little stressed about the idea of adding a 3rd child to our family and was downright terrified that this baby might be as colicky as Micah was….don’t get me wrong, I love Micah man dearly, but he was NOT an easy baby (he got easier once we got the MSPI issues figured out….but it wasn’t a very fun start)!  

We still don’t know if we’re dealing with any MSPI issues—I cut dairy and soy just to be on the safe side and once we’re into a good nursing routine I’ll try adding them back slowly and see how we do.  Whether its due to the diet changes or not, she’s a very content, laid back little girl….and we are very thankful!

3.)  Makenzie and Micah have adjusted very easily!  Another HUGE answer to prayer!  If you know my Micah man, you know he’s a major mama’s boy and I’ve prayed and prayed that he would handle the addition of another baby easily…..and he has!  He dotes over “baby sista” constantly and loves to tell us about her tiny ears and tiny nose.  He kisses on her and hugs her (sometimes a little too roughly but she’s pretty forgiving!)  Makenzie is thrilled to have a baby sister and loves to “share” with her (i.e. give Gracyn all sorts of stuffed animals and blankets….especially when we’re ready to go out the door which means I end up with an armful of gifts to take with us!)  She loves to help me and is pretty sure she could take care of Gracyn without any help.

 

4.)  My own recovery has been easy –I felt like I was slow to recover after Micah’s birth and was slightly terrified at the prospect of trying to manage 3 children (4 and under) by myself when Tom went back to work, but I have actually felt pretty good and Tom’s been back to work since Thursday with no major catastrophes at home (minus Micah going like 6 hours Thursday without a diaper change because his mother never thought of it…..the good news is, he survived and I’ve managed to remember to change his diaper somewhat regularly since then!) 

5.)  My hubby has been amazing!  He has been great about taking Makenzie and Micah outside to run off energy when he gets off work, doing baths in the evening and picking up the slack around the house so I can rest.  Sunday morning he got up with both kiddos and let me sleep for 2 more hours!  I wouldn’t want to do this without him! 

Just what I needed….

It’s been one of those weeks around here – you know, the kind where mama is way to crabby and the 2 year old isn’t sleeping well and is taking great joy in antagonizing his sister and the 4 year old is testing the little tiny bit of patience that mom still has…..and the daddy is gone for 4 days (not to mention the crabby not so patient mom is also nearly 39 weeks pregnant and slightly freaking out at the prospect of the hubby not making it home if she goes into labor). 

BUT, today has been fantastic!  The sun is shining, the weather is warm, the kids can run and play outside while I sit in my favorite red lawn chair soaking up the sun (and occasionally playing referee), we have a play date with friends after naptime….and the icing on the cake, both babes are down for naps and I found this article on a blog I love to read.  Perhaps my favorite part of the article was the quote at the beginning -- “God doesn’t expect us to be instant experts at something we’ve never done before. And he promises to make up the difference.” 

And I’m SO, SO thankful for His help in this adventure called parenting! 

Two More Things

As I was tucking the kiddos into bed tonight, I thought of two more things that make my day every time I hear them:

1.  I LOVE that every night when I tuck her in Makenzie tells me, “come check on me at 5:15 and leave the door way way open”….and every night I assure her that I’ll come check on her and I’ll leave the door open as long as Micah goes to sleep.  Truth be told, I don’t check on her at 5:15….I’m not even sure if she means a.m. or p.m. since she usually goes to bed at 8 pm, but I make a point of covering her up and kissing her one last time before I go to bed at night.  And nearly every morning she asks me, “Did you check on me?” 

2.  I LOVE that Micah man finishes all of his sisters prayers with an enthusiastic “MAY-MEN”.  We think maybe he’s getting ready for a career as a charismatic pastor!  

And the Christmas jammies I mentioned in my last post….Micah slept in them last night (just out of the laundry), insisted on wearing them to Cori’s today with his Elmo slippers, was still wearing the jammies and slippers when I picked him up after work and is sleeping in them again tonight (w/ the Elmo slippers still on his feet!)  That’s just how we roll around here!!  I’m debating about what to do if he insists on wearing them again tomorrow….is it bad that I’m seriously considering just letting him wear them??  Does it make it any better that he’s only in daycare till noon, then he’s home w/ Tom? 

Thankful.

I’ve decided I spend too many days being stressed out, focused on my way too long “to do list” and not just enjoying life.  The other day I heard the Trace Adkins song on the radio…..

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

All I could think was SO TRUE….this is SO my life right now, and I already wish these days wouldn’t go by so fast.  In an effort to “hang on” to these days, I decided I needed to make myself a list of all the things I really love about these days, so here it is…split out by kiddo:

Makenzie

* I love the little prayer you’ve adopted from your Boz movie and that you “add on to” every day – “Jesus prayer that he made for our family and our friends, taking time to sit/lay (sitting or laying depends on whether its a daytime or bedtime prayer) and pray, thank you God for this great day and thank you for….(insert long list, usually involving mom, dad, Micah, Grace, Kenna, the food on your plate….and sometimes including things as random as Zoe Dog, our house, the things in the Advent calendar, your teddy bear).  I love that you are so good at thinking about the things you are thankful for – I need to learn to be more like you!

* I love your excitement for the Christmas story and our advent calendar, and that randomly during the day you’ll ask questions about Zachariah and Elizabeth, why Zachariah couldn’t talk, or what the angels name was that told Mary she was going to have a baby.

* I love your soft heart and your love for Jesus!  I love that today you reminded me that we should buy groceries to take to the food pantry because Jesus wants us to give food to people who don’t have it (We just read The King’s Christmas List….great book by the way!) 

* I love that you tell me every day “I like you and I love you mom.”  You melt my heart!!  And I love telling you, “I’m glad you’re my girl” and hearing you respond every single time “I know….I’m glad you’re my mom.”

* I love that you’re such a little mommy, looking out for everyone (including mom and dad!)  And I love all the funny things you say, like the other day when we were packing for Lincoln and you were frantically searching for ponytail holders in your bag…when I reminded you that you didn’t even wear ponytails because your hair was short, you told me, “I know, but you need them for your pants.” 

* I love that you love to help, and you do it so willingly!  I love having you help fold laundry (and clean out the lint trap on the dryer….it’s your favorite!)

Micah

* Believe it or not, I love your curiosity, even when it means unloading the toy baskets for the 10th time in a day.  I love that you love to explore and I love it when you take my hand and tell me “play” and then want me to sit down on the floor with you to play.  You are too cute! 

* I love that you love to help me – whether its unloading the dishwasher, cooking, doing laundry or putting on my makeup, you love to be right in the middle of the action!

* I love listening to you chat and I love the way you try to say everything you hear.  You talk ALL.THE.TIME right now and I think every single day you’re saying new words!  Some of my very favorites right now are “ga-mo” (Grandma Moore), “gama/gammy”, jammies, sissy (which used to just be “see” and only in the last week gained the first syllable), kimma (Christmas), and sorry –which you say LOTS of times a day, usually to your sissy.  

* I love that you can’t say the letter “s” yet – so words like snow sound more like h-no – and it makes me smile everytime I hear you say it.

* I love that you love your new Christmas jammies, and  I even love it that you want to wear them every night (and most days!) 

* I love that you love to try everything your sister is doing and want to be with her ALL the time

* I love your independence – and the fact that at not even 22 months old, you insist on walking everywhere and climbing in and out of your car seat by yourself.  When I get frustrated with the slow speed, I remind myself how thankful I’ll be in April when you can do these things on your own! 

Baby #3

* I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE feeling you kick and wiggle all.the. time…even if it means kicking my bladder at 3 am because I love the assurance that everything is okay in there, that you’re doing well and growing bigger!

* I love that your sister and brother love you so much already—they love to kiss and pat on my belly and talk to you. 

And if you’re still reading – bless your heart!!  You get rewarded with pictures!  

What I’m Loving (this week)

Micah
* will FINALLY sit and read a book with me and it doesn’t even have to be a touch and feel book, we made it through Dr. Suess’ Foot Book three times today!
* won’t go to bed without kissing and hugging his sister….seriously, cutest thing ever!  He also loves to crawl in her bed and pretend he’s going to sleep there….tried it, it doesn’t work, but cute nonetheless!
* his enthusiasm every time he answers a question, whether it’s “are you ready for bed” or “do you want to go outside” the answer is almost always an cheerful “yah”…unless of course the answer is “uh-uh”
* tries to mimic EVERYTHING his sister does, her gymnastics moves, the way she spits her toothpaste out after she brushes her teeth, holds her stuffed animals…seriously Pete and Repeat.  Love it! 
* is cooking, cooking cooking….I love that he loves to help me cook, pretend he’s cooking…anything to do with cooking! 
* his love for EVERYTHING BOY –sticks, locust shells, anything he can turn into a weapon (although I don’t love it quite so much when he uses his new found “weapons” to beat his sister which also happens on a regular basis)
Makenzie
*  loves “bynastics”…and I love even more than she calls it “bynastics”
* has an uncanny ability to make her brother giggle – I love that she recognizes when he’s getting sick of the situation (particularly at the grocery store or any where else we might be shopping/running errands) and she goes into entertainment mode doing whatever she can to entertain Micah man.  The two of them laughing together is no doubt the best sound on earth! 
* is my favorite little helper!!  She loves to help with everything – she folds all the towels and washcloths on laundry days, she helps unload the dishwasher, cleans the lint trap on the dryer everytime we change loads of laundry, and LOVES to crack eggs when we’re cooking (which may or may not have meant daddy got egg shell in his birthday cake this week!)
* talks like she’s 3 going on 16….this week I’ve heard, “also,…” and “mom, I was going to tell you”
* tells me everyday “I love you and I like you….”
I think its safe to say I am blessed!! 

Makenzie's bath time + markers within Micah's reach =

Yet another reason I'm not cut out for this single parenting business! (particularly when combined with this post and the fact that I discovered this morning I never paid the sitter who babysat for us Friday afternoon while I had court.  The same babysitter who read this and graciously took out my trash while she was here!  I probably should have paid her double for that!  Seriously we LOVE Kristin....and not just because she takes out the trash!!) 

Crazy as this house may be, we are blessed!!  And as crazy as this little man makes me sometimes, I love him to death!!  Life is so much more fun with him around!! 

Forget me not Friday

I got this idea from another blog....definitely not my original idea - the gist of the other blog was that mama's should take more pics with their kids, because our excuses not to are far outweighed by the fact that kids are not going to look back and think "they were having a bad hair day in that photo." Forget me Not Friday is a reminder to post photos of me with my kids from the past and the present.  I have a hard time taking pictures of myself or even looking back on photos of myself without feeling super critical.  But for those little sweetheart's sake, I want them to remember that I sure did love to be with them, no matter the hair day!  I kinda cheated this week and started with a picture that's easy to look at....fresh coat of makeup and I got to spend an hour getting my hair done by SOMEONE else before the picture was taken!

A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.

My neighbors are seriously AMAZING and they're making me think twice about this grand plan of selling our house!  They're great friends, their daughters are great babysitters and they tolerate the fact that we let the lawn (and weeds) grow way to tall.  They don't seem to mind the children occasionally screaming their heads off in the back yard, if they've heard me screaming my head off at my wild crazy beasts children they certainly don't admit it and they even welcome Miss Makenzie when she invites herself over to their house (every time she sees them outside).  We seriously couldn't ask for better neighbors! 

Tonight we were standing in the back yard, visiting across the fence and James offered to mow our lawn the ENTIRE time Tom is gone for National Guard officer training.  I've been more than a little stressed about this whole deal and just today was thinking it was time to move myself out of denial and into the "figure out how to deal with it" stage.  And then my dear neighbors blessed me beyond words!  Taking care of the lawn and getting out the door on work days have been my 2 biggest stressors in all of this....and now I can check one of those off the list.  Thank you James & Amber!  The other has been mitigated a little by the fact that my parents will be back in town before Tom leaves, so if all else fails I can pack up kids, makeup, hairdryer etc and run to my parents in the morning!   I hope I can manage well enough that we don't have to resort to that (at least not too many times), but it is nice to know we'll have that option.  :)